OK, so I'm a guy, but have to admit these are at least creative - no matter how un-true they may be ;>WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
Keep reading-they get better!!!
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. 'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked. 'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand wom en. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Joe and his wife Ann listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'
He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country roa d for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men… The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. 'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says 'HEBREWS'
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he new she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Hey, at least us Neanderthals have the coveted - "Man of the Year - Caught On Film Award" to look forward to...
* Contest Rules of the man-of-the-year always excludes (Brad Pitt for pulling off the biggest mangrade [that's a female upgrade] from Jennifer A, to Angelina Jolie... and of course (Tommy Lee for taking Pamela back without fear, after Kid Rock was entertaining the Hollywood starlet)
Now onto the past men caught on film winners, which have included:
2008 WinnerBob Carrythis:
Followed up by this runner up:Jack Getamoveon
And 2007's winner...
Harry U. Rowbitch
...and of course the 2006 original
that started it all....Ken Lonely Catchum
...so as you see ladies, humor has it's place, and is rather fun - so keep sending me those goofy email forwards... - and just remember,
men are fairly simple in nature. We rarely worry about, forget 99.9% of what you say, and just wonder
- Do I have beer in the fridge?
- How long has it really been since I had sex (with you)?
and...
- I wonder when my buddy will show up again for a game day - after having moved into the white picked fence suburbs to never be seen again; like a missing modern metrosexual family war hero...
-Cheers
PS: Read this post fast, b/c my girlfriend will probably make me take it down soon; and of course I'll have to listen -for obvious reasons (hee hee).**Disclaimer: Actual names and the "belief in thes statements" are not to be interpreted as the blog owner's views, but merelely a satire point to make in a sort-of-twisted, and humorous way. "How's that honey?... yes the flowers are on the way..."
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